frightening

Happy birthday to me. So one year older. Exactly one year ago I had my birthday dinner in Copenhagen and the next day I took the train and moved back to Sweden and Stockholm. The time goes by so fast. It is time to get my life going again, on the right track.

But today I had a birthday dinner at home with the parents. We had bought some nice budapestbakelse instead of those creamy cakes that I am not so fond of. Really good and nice to try it out since I have been meaning to bake one myself to try, not I did not have to.

So, only four years until thirty. Frightening thought.

chuck is keeping me company on a lonely saturday

Been a little bit bored now when I am in the unemployment game again. That and that I had the tooth surgery with my face all swollen. So I have been spending my time at home with a little bit of job hunting but with the TV to keep me company.

Have been looking for a new TV series to follow since it feels like I have watched them all. Not really all of course, but many. The last couple of days I have then spending my time with Chuck. It never really caught my attention when it premiered but when lack of better series I opted for him. And I like it.

seventeen

Still a swollen face so unfortunately I could not go to the Veronica Maggio concert tonight. Which I really wanted to see. Kind of sucks. Especially since she is pregnant and this would be her last concert for quite some time.

good tuesday

What a great week this has been. And everything happened on Tuesday.

• I got turned down for the job in Washington DC with the great excuse that the other person had experience from living in the city. What a professtional excuse. 
• Manpower called and said they had not heard anything from the steel company about the job so I should see the case as closed. She would call if they sometime in the future decides to get in touch and finally made a decision. 
• I had to turned down the unpaid internship in Philadelphia as it appears no university was willing to accredit the internship so I could get the student loan. And the student counselor refused to answer my emails or lift up the phone. 
• Last but not least, I had the tooth surgery done. I am still swollen, my lip and cheek, and look like crap. I thought the swelling would have gone down by now so I could go to the music festival tomorrow and see the fabulous Robyn. But no. 
• All this and I cannot even comfort eat candy or stuff since I can only eat fluid food. 

Just wanted to complain a bit. Because here no one tells me to suck it up and you just have to listen (well, read about it) and you chose to do it.

unprofessional

I am still frustrated and annoyed at how the people at the Washington DC company handled it all. I think it is so unprofessional what they wrote, that they hired someone else because she had experience from living in the city where the job is located. Either it is just bullshit or, I do not know. If they had given me a decent explanation I would not have been this annoyed at them. Please give me some decent feedback and just be honest. If they were honest, that is just f**cked up and unprofessional.

turned down once again

Got an email twenty minutes ago. Unfortunately it did not contain any good news. I am not going to Washington DC. Which totally sucks. I had a feeling since they did not reply as soon as promised, I guess they were waiting for her to accept before they let the rest of us know.

I thought I would have a chance. They wrote in the email that they thought my "writing samples were excellent" but offered the position to "a candidate who had more experience living in Washington DC". What kind of reason is that? It just sucks if that is the only reason they picked her over me.

And probably no Philadelphia either since I cannot get the student loan for it. Everything seems to be going down the crapper.

tooth surgery

Had my tooth surgery today. Not so nice. Of course I had local anesthesia to make it all numb around the tooth when they started poking around. So it did not hurt but you could still feel them poking and the noises from drilling. Now I am eating painkillers and having an ice bag pressed against my top lip. And of course when I cannot eat nothing but fluids I get hungry for all kinds of things.

still waiting

Do not like this. Thought I would get an answer yesterday. And it feels that for every hour that passes it goes more and more towards a negative answer. I do not want a negative answer.

still no answer

Looks like I might have to wait for an answer. I was supposed to get an answer today, at least that is what I think they said. But it is after eleven at night and which means it is after five in the afternoon in Washington DC. Do I really have to wait another day?

I hate waiting.

community

Watching a little bit of Community tonight.

all eggs in one basket

As said, I am really hoping for Washington. Because if I do not get it, I am not sure if I will end up in Philadelphia. Called around to my old university and the one I took a distance course at in spring, to get the internship accredited as a course I need to be a program student. Which I am not. Which sucks.

And I do not feel like studying full time at the same time as working full time. Not at all. Which makes me crossing all my fingers and toes for Washington as you understand.

homework done

I am nervous. For real. I just sent in my two writing assignments for the Washington job. I know I am good at writing English as I did it all the time during my studies. But still. I have read the text over and over because now it is not the same thing. It will be a native English speaker reading and scrutinizing my assignments and determining if I am the one or someone else.

Now it is sent and it is out of my control.

I really want it.

it takes a fool to remain sane

the ark

Amazing concert with The Ark at Gröna Lund today. Real nostalgia. I saw them live about six years ago and they are still as good as they were then. They have such energy on stage, especially Ola when he moves and dances around the stage. They are always giving everything and it was nice to be a part of it tonight. They played many of the good old ones especially my favorite of them all, It takes a fool to remain sane. Although I missed the song, Echo chamber, which they did not played, I guess they could not fit in them all since they played only for about one hour. Even though they only played for a little more than one hour they managed to get in three(!) outfit changes.

thoughts and thoughts

Now I am kind of really hoping for the Washington gig. I just have to make sure my two writing assignments are good and then I cannot do much more. I sense this would be more of a real job than the Philly gig so I really want it.

If I do not get it, I can go to Philly. I guess if I end up there it could be one of those chill experiences I kind of have been wanting, before starting something serious again. Then again it would increase my student loan, so I am a bit torned. At the same time you could see it as an investment since I have another thing to put on my CV. And my heart says I want to go. Last time when I listened to my head it did not turn out so well in the end.

But first thing first and that is Washington. Until I hear from them.

washington dc or philadelphia?

I did not make a good impression on the EF guy apparently. He turned me down so I will not end up in Boston, at least for now. However, the same day I got the rejection mail I got an email with some good news. It was from the Swedish-American Chamber of Commerce in Philadelphia that has me as a candidate for the Marketing Internship. The internship is basically mine if I want it since I appears to be on top of the list. But it is unfortunately unpaid so I need to figure out weather I can get the internship accredited and get a student loan.

Then I also have the other lead for the Consulting Trainee in Washington DC. I had the phone interview today and I think it went well. Now I just need to do some writing assignments as they want to see my English skills. They would give me an answer beginning of next week if I am the one. I am one of three or four people they are considering.

So it looks like I will be in the USA in a couple of months no matter what. Either Washington DC or Philadelphia. Unless a major opportunity comes knocking that is bigger than either of these two. 

I cannot say I believed I would end up in the USA again.

how did i do

Still wondering if I made a good enough impression yesterday on the EF Boston guy. Since it really felt like just another business call it was difficult to get a sense of the guy and what he might think of me.

Apparently the plan for this position is that you stay in it for a year or one and a half year and then you move on to something more. Perhaps to a managing position within EF Travel so they want to make sure they take in someone with those aspirations.

I have gotten the question before, if I want to become a manager. Sure I do, but I have difficulties explaining why and I do not feel comfortable with it since I feel I need experience first. Before I was not sure weather I wanted to become a manager or boss over something, but talking to my job coach I realized that I do want it in the future, I am not just ready now. That is why I find it difficult to answer today why I want to become a manager.

I do not know why I feel so unsecure about since I have been responsible for things before and many times I take on the position as a leader in groupwork and such. I just have to overcome those feelings and realize that I have already been the leader in things.

Anyway, now I am just waiting for an email. But I also just realized that it does not matter if I keep checking my email now since Boston is six hours behind and have most of the working day left when I leave my work.

stressful interview

Sweaty interview. Not one of the better interviews I have had I must say. The first interview with the other EF guy was much better and much more relaxed. That guy tried to make it into a friendly and casual interview and so did I. I tried this time with this EF guy but much more difficult. Tried to laugh a bit and make some fun comments but no response. It was like he had this list of persons he had to interview and 20 minutes per person. He asked those boring questions straight up. 'Tell me about yourself' and I tell my story that you get by reading my cover letter and CV, personally I would focus on other questions that you do not already have the answers to. 'Tell me your good and bad qualities'. All those questions that anyone could expect and would have trained for. I do not like interviewers who do not put any effort into the interview or the questions.

So I am not sure if I made a good impression or not. I felt nervous (only for phone interviews it seems, when you have to sit there waiting watching the clock) and I do not know if that shone through. He was all chop, chop, chop and it just felt stressful. It was not a relaxed interview so I had difficulties to relax.

I know tomorrow or Monday the latest if I am called back for an interview on August 23rd.

i've got mail

I am getting answers. Finally. Regarding jobs that are exciting even. I might have an interview August 23rd for the other EF job that I was reffered to, I thought it also was located in Luzern, Switzerland, but apperently it is in Boston. Cool. Never made it there when I lived in Connecticut but always wanted to go. Perhaps it is time now?

And this morning I had another pleasant email waiting for me from Brian. I have an interview booked for Wednesday next week for a trainee position in Washington D.C. A nice city and the position seems very interesting.

There is finally some movement in my mailbox and not only the daily matchmails from jobsites.

fika

Having a bit of 'fika' here by myself in my room but no coffee or tea just a delicious cardamom bun I bought together with today's lunch. Yum.

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news

Finally I got an answer about the EF job. Unfortuntaly it was a negative email since they decided to go with someone with experience from a similar job.

However. The manager wrote that he think I could be an EF person and he would forward my application to one of his collegues that is reqruiting for another position. Some positive news, so I must have made a good impression at least.

The other job also seems to be very interesting and is also located in Switzerland. I hope I will hear from him. Now I have something new to hope for.

the hunt for a caesar salad

Monday. I.e. work. Met up with J after work since she was kind enough to come with me to a consert. We had some dinner at a café and ate caesar salad. It seems it has become some kind of mission to find the perfect caesar salad. Well, I already found it since they serve it at the hotel where mom work. But I guess we want to find a nice one in the city. The one today, at Café Belmondo, was decent. The salad itself was quite good with the bacon and the croutons, but barely any parmesan at all, and the dressing was just average.

thrilling

What a fascinating Saturday I have had. Moved a car. Watered the tomato plants. Fed the cat. Watched some TV. Made something to eat. All that while the rain poured down.

Tomorrow the parents will come home from their vacation. My last day home alone and that is what I did. Sounds thrilling doesn't it?

oh sandy

Dear old Sandy offered me some dinner tonight. A curry chicken submarine was on the menue. As always, it is the favorite.

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compulsive email checker

I have become one of those who checks her email every other minute. I want emails! Well, not random emails of course but preferebly job related ones. And of course ones with good news.

Every day that passes it gets closer to rejection. That, and the fact that it is quite slow at work has made me into a compulsive email checker. Someone I have never really been before.

I want answers, please give me some. But of course it is Friday. Friday's when people are just longing for the weekend and do not think of the anxiuous ones waiting for answers. 'What's another day of waiting'.

my view

This is the view from my so called office. A small room that kind of look a little bit depressing. At least I have a window, but see nothing but some glass rooftop. If I open it, I will smell all the cigarette smoke from all the people having their breakes just outside. But I guess one should not complain, at least I have an office. But unfortunately only for two more weeks.

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tired at work

I eventually fell asleep yesterday. The alarm rang at seven o'clock and it was not too difficult to get up. Probably because I knew I was going to be tired and I did not want to snooze and over sleep. So I got up almost right away so I would not be late. But I was indeed tired.

Now I am here at work and yawning once in a while. Doing my assignments and constantly checking my private email if I have recieved any news regarding the EF job, or any job at all for that matter.

no sleep tonight

This is crazy. It is one o'clock and I am still awake. Cannot sleep. And I have an alarm set for seven, that is in six hours. I am going to be tired at work tomorrow.

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loosing hope

I am slowly loosing hope regarding the EF job. I kept my hopes up since I really want it, but it is difficult when knowing I do not have the perfect background. First he said I would be contacted if they wanted me for a second interview that was supposed to take place last week or this one. On the other hand they also know that I do not have to hand in a notice at work to quit, so they do not have to rush with me. So there might still be a slight possibility that they are going to call.

But it feels like that possibility is shrinking for every day that passes. So I am trying to keep myself out of my head.

tuesday dinner

I had a nice dinner at the lovely café Vurma today, a grilled sandwich and definitely worth going back to try something else. A cosy bohemian café just the way I like it. One funny thing though. It is just across the street from the office of the steel company I have had interviews with. So I easily found my way there.

not so great

Not a good day. Not really a good night either since I woke up a couple of times. My head is not really with me at work, it is lazy and might have a little bit of ache. So I cannot really focus on the few things I have to do. And I keep staring at the clock waiting for it to show those magic numbers which means I can leave.

monday dinner

Today I made a little bit of effort making dinner. I have been craving salmon for a while now so that is what I decided to make. And with a little bit of fresh herbs from the garden I made a nice herb topping. That all went into the oven and with a little bit of white wine and herbal creme fraiche poured onto it all. Served with some asparagus. Perfect combo and it tasted delicious with all the herbs and the wine.

i do not like sunday evenings

Only a few hours until I need to wake up for work again. The last few days I have tried to wake up early to be able to go to bed early tonight. But difficult since I am this night owl and it sometimes does not matter how few hours I slept the night before.

Anyway, tomorrow I will hopefully be able to sleep early after an early morning and a day of work.